career

Yeah, this issue strucks me again. GOSH! If you know how old I am, you may be surprised. Even at this age I have not settle the path I want to take. I have no goal. I have no clear plan even for the near future. I feel totally doomed. sigh.. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

What shall i do? hontouni wakarani. suruka doka wakaranai .

 

i am chinese, not a japanese, zenzen nihonji janai ne

the last few weeks i have been really down with life. yeah. who would not. I have been wondering what is the root-cause.. i have been searching and searching and definitely i know why I am disappointed, but but why?: why should i be upset?

well, this evening i went out with my friend. i told her my struggle and disappontment and i think she brought an importand point about chinese trait. then i realise it fits. I am not a japanese, i am a chinese and no matter what, the trait is in me. I am someone who thinks how to get a maximum gain out of something. I am not by nature a charity worker. even when i do a charity, it is not merely a charity. it is a strong belief that out of it will come out something greater.

yeah, it is solved. i have to accept that no matter what there are japanese values that is just not my nature. i love profits and no matter what, i want to gain something and not merely giving and giving and not receiving something back in return., sigh… -_-”

8 months in Japan

Yeah, the title says it all. I have been in Japan for 8 months and still striving for the next 7 months when my time in Japan expires. Do I look forward to that day? Hmm may be, considering i miss my family back home and my friends in Singapore and many many things I would like to do in the future.

So, what have I been doing all this while? Plenty! First and foremost, work. I think I work the hardest among all who come from singapore. i wonder how it ends up like this. I do not know whether it is good or it is bad. I really could not figure out what happens. Anyway, I just do it. I am doing my very best. Sometimes I really feel frustrated, not because I could not do it, rather it is the amount of works and I have started to think what do I gain at the end of the day. Definitely not in monetary terms! But I guess, it is for a good testimony. It is a testimony to them as a foreigner that I could do  a good job and can work hard. But again, I wonder to what extent I can make it. It has started to drain my energy off. Sometimes I really find my privacy is being violated. However, nobody here can do their private business. Everyone can only think the benefits of the company they work for. Is that a good thing? I don”t know and definitely not by business to search those things out. I don’t have time even for my basic needs. Ok, ok.. actually it is not that bad. But but… it is just my priorities are totally different from the locales here. I love to diversify my energy and time. I don’t like to focus only on 1 thing. yeah.. that is why perhaps  I have been grudging lately.

Beside work, I learn Japanese language. i can speak actually, but not yet as native. hahah.. I wish I can spend more time learning, but the working hours really prevent me from proceeding further. I love the language and have been picking up many new words and grammar. The issue is kanji. As I have no luxury of time, learning kanji is just almost not possible. However, my listening skill has improved much, I can understand what my colleague says, understand 60% of the drama or news. Not bad I guess. However, it is still a long way to go. Many many words I have to learn and remember and use.

As for travelling, I went to Nagoya and MIE ken last month. I was an average trip. I found everywhere in Japan looks the same. Can you believe it? IT IS! hahhaha… I think all the castle looks the same, the temples are the same and the scenery is similiar. -_-” worse, every where you go, it is draining the money away.

The rest of the routine is just pretty simple. I go onsen almost every saturday. hehhee… I go to church every possible sunday and doing window shopping too. Yeah, i am waiting for the summer sales!