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thanksgiving

I thank God for everything that happened this year. I thank God for giving me such tough times in the beginning of the year. I thank God for all the comfort in times of worries and all the good friends that the Lord has brought in my life. It was during those hard times that I realised that I have good friends who are ready to help and encourage me. I thank God for finishing my master, I thank God for the paper that was published in a relatively good journal, I thank God that I could experience desparation and anxiety, it has been sometime I don’t know what suffering is.

I thank God that I could do part time @y, I thank GOd that I can do freelance @em, I thank God for all the interviews and all the failed ones. It made me understand not to choose something that I don’t actually want. I thank God for the opportunity to serve among the domestic workers and learn much from them. I thank God for the opportunity to go for retreat in the middle of the year that I am refreshed. I thank God for the discovery of self throughout this year. I thank God for all the confusion and the wisdom to pursue on.

I thank God that I could visit my family for 1 month and met my siblings and their spouses, even the opportunity to meet my little nephew, marvell. He is such a cute baby. May he grow to love and fear the Lord. I thank God for my sister for conceiving. May the baby be born healthy and be someone who loves and fears the Lord.

I thank God for the opportunity to work and train at the same time. I thank God for all the people I have met in the office, I learnt to work as a team. I thank God for the opportunity to go and live in Japan. It is such a great experience. I thank God for the new people I meet, the new culture I experience and the new places I see. They are all beautiful. I thank God for the opportunity to learn Japan, the know the importance of appearance and fashion. I thank God for the good apartment that has been provided, the good allowance that is given and all the many good things I have received. I thank God for the church I have found and all the new friends I meet. They are great friends.

This year has been indeed amazing. In the beginning, it was a great struggle and confusion. I did not know what I actually wanted to do. I did not know what I should choose. I was tossed to and fro. I was practically jobless for 6 months and I decided not to ask money from my parents as I am supposed to be old enough to be independent. Surprisingly, God provided. It was indeed amazing.

I thank God for 2007.

Forgive me my sins Lord. I am sorry for all the mistakes I made this year. I am sorry for being angry with my supervisor and some friends. I am sorry for being selfish and all the evel intentions in my heart. I am sorry for bad behaviour and all the good things I did not do. I am sorry for the evil that I have done unknowingly, I am sorry for being short-tempered and unthoughtful. I am sorry for falling asleep in the office, I am sorry for keeping all the evil thoughts in my mind. I am sorry for worrying too much, forgetting that my heavenly Father is watching over me. I am sorry should I hurt someone’s feeling as I am rather insensitive, I am sorry for not thinking the benefits of others and always putting self first. I am sorry for wanting to be listened but not to listen. I am sorry for all the self-centeredness. I wish that I will change next year.

there is no ugly girls…

only lazy ones.

 Yeah, that is true! If you see Japan, you see that most of them look great. Yeah, almost all. No Japanese girls will go out without make-up, as in full make-up with complete dressing, top to bottom. As a result, wow… it is really a different outlook. Yeah, no kidding, go to Japan and you will be surprised.

So, the bottom line is, learn to be presentable. Spend some money for clothes, shoes, make-up and all the details that all girls’ need. It needs money definitely, but perhaps that is the reason why we work, don’t we? We need to look good and have a great desire to look great.

errr update

Hua… this blog has not been taken care of, has not been pruned, watered and given sufficient sunlight. I have been lazy. I have a lot of things to share, but well, just no motivation to update. Perhaps, I am just occupied with other matters.

Perhaps this is just a little update as I still have other homeworks to do, e.g. completing some memorabilia and memento for this year.

Starting next week is 1 week holiday in Japan. hahha, Japanese loves holiday, there are 3 times 1-week holiday in japan, winter, summer and golden week. Moreover, every month there will be 1-2 days holiday. That is plenty considering japan does not have religious holiday. Can you imagine that? So, what occasions the holidays for? Hmm, mostly are for the emperor and the nature dedication. yeah, this is japan.

So, I will be completing my 3-month stay in Japan. It has been great, despite the many hick ups and some personal issues. Japan is an amazing country, I am still amazed how the country survives with no oil, little natural resources and frequent earthquakes. Three months in Japan and I have felt numerous tremors. yeah, it is mild, but still, the room is shaking. But don’t worry, the houses and offices and infrastructure are earthquake-equipped.

Well, last friday I was talking to one colleague and he told me that japan’s economy is pretty bad for many many years. yeah, i heard about that. It has been under economic slump. Surprisingly, it can’t really be felt as I see everyone is spending. But again, it is of course on the surface level. I don’t really know the reality, but from the observation in the office, I have come to realise, it is a bit hard.

Oh ya, yesterday I went to shinjuku for some shopping. Gosh, lucky that I have not bought anything as today, my Japanese friends told me that next year, which is a few days away, there will be great sale in all depato and the discount is quite big. Anyway, yerterday as I window shopped, I suddenly realise how good Japanese products are, I mean the fashion. Gosh, it is really really refined. Good quality! But well, it comes with a prize of course.

Just a little update. The work for the past week is good. I have been pretty busy and exhausted. The last few week I have been going to another office, which is slightly furthur, thus I need to leave the apartment early. I love the new place though, because it has a canteen and I don’t have to eat cold bento.

Btw, the temperature keeps dropping and it is really cold. Hua, I am thinking to buy an extra heater, but not sure how I can dispose it when I need to leave japan. Errr.. this is the problem of being a nomad.

Oh ya, last week on 24th dec, we had a christmas eve service. The service was simple, I liked it. I also met new friends there, they are from phillipines. Yeah, there are friendly and it is great meeting them.

Today, I went to church as usual and err late. It is good that i met some new friends as well. In the afternoon, I went to another church in tokyo, heheh yeah, I am free, blame it on my plenty time. I met a new friend, a Japanese. Hohohoho, I spoke japanese with her.  yeah it is great and well, she said my japanese is good. Errr.. for someone like me who like being praised… errr errrrr

blessed christmas

Merry christmas! … may this time be a blessing to all of us who hope in Christ and in his second coming.

Yeah, I am not the kind who is into christmas celebration. To me, christmas is simple, it is just a reminder that one day He will come again, not as a baby, but gloriously and it will be the time that every knee shall bow and every tounge will confess that He is the LORD.

I don’t like the fact that christmas is sooooooooooo commercialised, with gifts, givings (which I think a great waste, but good for the economy), ligthing and many other things that I could not understand. Perhaps that is why I rarely give presents and errr not even cards. Ah, that is because I am thrifty, hahahha and do not want to spend money. I don’t like to give something when it is not needed. I don’t understand why I need to give my friends presents since they already have everything they need. I mean, so many other people are hungry, why giving those fully-fed? I would rather think and act on things that are essentials. Remember those who needs not only presents, but love. . errr not as if I don’t need one though, I definitely need a lot of love. Hahhaha…

Ok, I just wanna update some things before I am watching Japanese drama galileo. Yesterday, singapore bos came over to visit us and to find out how we are coping here. It was ok, it was great meeting him and have a little chitchat. Thereafter, friends and I were preparing some tang yen, errr I hope I spell it correctly which I don’t think so. Anyway, it was ok. I could not understand most of their conversation which was in chinese. I was tired to request them what they were talking about. I don’t know. ANyway, it is no longer a big deal. This is life, face it! It is just a reminder for me to be more thoughtful next time when I am in the majority, to remember minority. Yeah, this is what life’s lessons are for. To make us a better person and to learn from every events that occurred.

So, as of today, I went to church in the morning. Gosh, I don’t like myself for being late most of the time. It is so hard to be on time despite the late service time. Yeah, it was bad to come late, errrr late is very late. I really have to discipline myself next time and set the alarm 2 hr earlier!!! After the service, I approached one lady, I have been telling her I would like to join a cell group. yeah, i am bored since I don’t know anybody there. It is difficult to have fellowships like this. Anyway, she has yet informed her leader about it. Errr.., I wished I can scold her, but I decided to be patient, telling her no problem.

Today, I did plan to do some shopping at shibuya before the christmas party in the evening. However, I have not been feeling well, I may get flu if I don’t have sufficient rest. Thus, I went back and sleep throughout afternoon.

In the evening, I went to tokyo baptist church for single christmas party. I think it was great. I went back happy. I met new great friends there, they came from various countries and I really found them outstanding. Yeah. I have a great time, a great chitchat and exchanged of contacts. This is life. Life is meaningful with relationships. I guess this is perhaps many of us have overlooked. Many things in the world is not that difficult. Happiness is very often found not in the big mansions, but in the manger. It is never about greatness, simplicity would do. yeah. Great, I learnt new things again today.

just an update

It has been sometime that I have not written a diary, yeah, I have been lazy. No mood to write and perhaps, there is nothing special enough to be written down. Anyway, the last few weeks have been quite tiring. I guess it is the work. At the end of the day, I am exhausted and just do not want to do anything.

This month, I have attended 2 parties. Btw, party in Japan simply means drinking, not so much of eating though the food is nice. So, last wednesday was our end of year party. So, it is  drinking time again. You know, I don’t drink when I was in singapore, no desire for one. At most, I drank wine. Over here, I have drunk alcohol more than what I have drunk in my entire life. Yeah, it is true. Surprisingly, I can drink and don’t actually get drunk or may be the drinks I ordered are not high alcohol content. But I drank around 5 glasses, ok never mind. The party was ok, we went karaoke for the second party. Karaoke was actually quite fun, I guess I have to go there again. Singing did release a little bit of stress. Hmmm, this reminds me of church service and choir. Are there correlation? is that why I love choir?

Actually I face a little issue here with my batch mate because apparently we don’t speak the same language or rather they decide not to speak the same language as mine. I have been asking several advice and decided just to move on. the world is greater than the 5 friends I have or colleagues rather. It is not easy to say or solve this issue. But I have just realised that to solve relationship issue needs both parties. So, it doesn’t really matter how hard one party tries, if the other decided not to bother about it. This is life and I have decided not to be bothered about it. Not easy, but I will be ok.

So, last week I actually met up with my new friends and discussed a plan for our short trip to hakone. We have decided on the time and the basic plan. It was great. Thereafter, we met up with another friend. We had dinner togethere and we did have a good chit chat. All 3 of us came for different coutries, so it is interesting to compare our country with japan. Japas is perhaps the largest waste producing country in the world, there is no reduce and reuse here. She has this ‘recycle’ thing though. One of the friends who is from turkey really inspired me. Yeah, she is taking master program in japanese. Can you believe it? She works really hard and well, she did it! I was like… wow… Again, I always love people with courage. Life is not for the weak hearted and those who seek comfort. Living is to make a change, to make it better. =)

Oh ya, next year, Celine Dion will be having a concert in Japan. I want to watch, but I really want to have some friends to go with. Whom should I ask?

  

boring

yeah, that is the reflection for the last few days. Not that I have nothing to do or anything, but I guess there is just nothing much to write, to think and contemplate. Life is not that bad, but I guess I just have so many things to settle. The last few weeks, I have been catching up on some japanese drama, not bad, but well…

Hmm, I have forgotten to mention this thing called ‘nature.’ I have done some obeservation lately and pretty surprised to realise that everywhere is just the same. Indonesia, singapore and Japan are 3 totally different countries, not only in terms of culture but well, the thinking, the society and the way of life. Among the 3, I have to say that Japan has the best system. From the surface, it is excellent. Yeah, if you live here, that is what you see. Everyone/ the society is honest, hard-working, non-corrupt and well, has high level of integrity or just integrity per se. What do I think of singapore? i have lived long enough in singapore, well, she tries so hard to achieve the traits. So, how about indonesia, err i don’t think we even care, hunger will drive us to do just anything. Anyway, if we look closely, it doesn’t really matter whether we have the system or not or whether the poeple can keep up the high level of living or not. The issue here is, our nature does not allow us. Not that we don’t want it, we can’t! That is what I have seen here. The system is good and well, I guess everyone is well-trained to keep the norms. But but… you will be surprised to see what actually happens. After many talks with the people here and looking at the big picture, I have to say that we have fallen short. Yes, I have come to realise that living in Japan is hard, vrey hard. Not because it is not a good country with good people, upsettingly, the good system has made it so hard for everyone to live well.  I may be wrong, but well… I don’t think so.

 I have been faced with the fact of the company culture in Japan and how seggregated the employees are.  Everywhere in the world is the same, it is where prestige and wealth are highly esteemed. Facing this fact, i guess it is rather hard for many of us if we don’t make up to that level. At the end of the day, it is the rich that has many friends. As now I am embarking on this journey, alone,  I guess I just have to make the right move and do what I think is important. Very often, we don’t have to bother what the rest of the world thinks.

relative

Well, when I was in singapore, I was surprised that a girl with 160cm height and above needs to have the weight of 50kg to be considered not overweight. I observed many girls are encouraged to visit the slimming center to shed the last few kgs. yeah, gals must look good. In my opinion, the girls are not fat, not even plum. They look good because they are tall and the weight is just nive, but well… I guess my opinion does not count. It is quite different if one is 150cm of course.

Surprisingly in Japan, for the same height, 50kg is already overweight! So, if your height is 160cm, the best weight is at most 43 kg and err err if you are 155cm like me, perhaps 40kg at least is a must! Hua… *looking around for slimming center*

what is important?

I have been doing some contemplating the last few days and again, the same issue pop up. I have to say that I don’t know what I want. Yeah, it is actually the reasons for many of my actions. I am practically indecisive! How bad th could be.

Well, I have come to realise this indecision problem as I went to my friend’s place last weekend to plan for the short holiday trip. Gosh, she mentioned that I could not make a decision. I was embarrassed! yeah… She was totally right. I know for many matters, I can accomodate any as long as it does not clash with my personal value. Having said that, I guess I have been too accomodating to the point of not able to decide what I actually want.

Well, this got to change or I will forever be floating, toss to and fro.

Actually another issue popped up yesterday as mom called me. Errr it is about my future. She did mention something which I am not going to disclose, but the bottom line is, I better think of my own future! -_-” … Yup. I have been thinking about this again and realised, I just have  to do it. Do what I am comfortable with and pursue what I want to do. I should not bother too much about A, B, C and many things.

 Well, time to revise life’s objective. Not too late, not yet new year .

stay positive

It has been sometime that this blog has yet been updated. Yeah, I was rather occupied with anime wacthing and some personal issue. Not exactly personal but more to relationships with batch mate.

I have been trying to be positive and look at the bright side, but it is not easy as I am someone who needs closure and answer. I need answer for certain behaviour, e.g. why you do that, why you say that or what do you mean. yeah, that is why I am actually rather confrontational by nature. Many years ago, almost 10 years ago, I confronted my teacher for the issue of cheating. yeah, it was a serious offence and I have kept it for a long time. I have confronted a guy for his mixed signal. I confronted my senior colleague, my bos and my supervisor. For all the confrontations, I never had closures, not even 1. No closure but  at least I told them what I think. I was not satisfied, but I guess that is as much as what I can do. I can’t force others to change or tell me the truth.

Over the ten years, I have seen many lies and really, it used to shock me. I have always think that integrity is priceless, kindness and thoughtfulness are virtues. Apparently, those are not to be practiced. We just need to do things that make us happy. Period. yeah, that is what I have found. We just need to make sure that we are happy, have enough money to enjoy our life. It doesn’t matter if other suffer.

Observing these things have changed me. yeah, that is why I have always believe that people change. I do and so most of us. Change is just a part of getting older. Ok, so what is the point of the long paragraphs. got carried away with other line of thoughts.

Yeah, back to the main issue. Life in Japan has started to be problematic. I guess I am not going to go into details. It is a problem with batch-mate. I have heard many times that we can’t change others, but we can always change ourself. So, i have tried to change myself and well, trying to move away. But not easy.  But I just have to do it. Be strong…