Mujizat Itu Nyata

MUJIZAT ITU NYATA

TAK TERBATAS KUASA-MU TUHAN
SEMUA DAPAT KAU LAKUKAN
APA YANG KELIHATAN MUSTAHIL BAGIKU
ITU SANGAT MUNGKIN BAGI-MU

REFF :
DI SAAT KU TAK BERDAYA
KUASA-MU YANG SEMPURNA
KETIKA KUPERCAYA
MUJIZAT ITU NYATA

BUKAN KAR’NA KEKUATAN
NAMUN ROH-MU YA TUHAN
KETIKA KUBERDOA
MUJIZAT ITU NYATA

Allah mengerti Allah peduli

ALLAH PEDULI
Jonathan Prawira

BANYAK PERKARA
YANG TAK DAPAT KUMENGERTI
MENGAPAKAH HARUS TERJADI
DI DALAM KEHIDUPAN INI
SATU PERKARA
YANG KUSIMPAN DALAM HATI
TIADA SATU PUN ‘KAN TERJADI
TANPA ALLAH PEDULI

REFF:

ALLAH MENGERTI,   ALLAH PEDULI
SEGALA PERSOALAN YANG KITA HADAPI
TAK AKAN PERNAH DIBIARKANNYA
KUBERGUMUL SENDIRI
S’BAB ALLAH MENGERTI

spiritual revolution

Today is already 23 January and I have not exactly finalised my new year resolution. Gosh. Anyway, if there is one thing I would love to do this year is spiritual revolution. It has been for many years that I have not worked on my faith. I did read my bible and I prayed and I served. However, there is still something lacking in this. I know I can do better. How?

Spiritual revolution

It is my desire this year to really seek God and honor him in all that I do. What would be the practical example?

1. Waking up early in the morning and giving thanks

2. Start my day with thanksgiving

3. Seek to do what is right before Him

4. Doing my best in my work, working hard and working smart

5. Loving others

6. Discern all things

I want every aspect of my life to be God-centered and I want to live in godliness. Amen

new leaf

The past few weeks have been turbulent weeks for me. In the beginning it was not that apparent, but the last few days, it has taken its toll. My work started to get affected, I can’t focus and start to lose motivation to excel. Yesterday, 20 january, I decided to put an end to this. Yeah, i have decided! Anyway, what happened? This started a few months ago when I decided to re-attend sayoni dinner. In October’09, I guess. I have been missing the group for quite sometime. Of course there could be various reasons why I have been disappearing. Anyway, ever since I attended the gathering, things changed. Errr… my interest for girls start to grow again. Don’t blame me. I don’t know what is going on, it just happened!

Everything that happened in the past started to haunt me. I spent more time thinking about gals. I am asking myself, what it is that I really really want. End of last year, a friend of mine introduced a guy to me. He is a decent guy. I can sense that he is a nice guy. Well, we have been going out for a few times on the weekends. At first, I thought everything was ok, but somehow I still think about a gal, plenty of times. I was like, oh no… what is going on? My life is starting to get straight but something is holding me back. This is happening for the past few weeks.

Anyway, I know that I have to make a decision. I have been pending this issue for more than 10 years or 18 years in total. I have always made excuses as why I did nothing about it. Basically I am just busy, busy and busy. Things are not easy for me, not only because of my upbringing, but also the way I have grown up. I grew up in a christian family and well, comparing with my siblings, I think I am the only one is very keen of God’s works. I did my best from the moment I accepted Christ as my Lord and saviour. Basically, I obey. I love God and doing my best for Him.

Things are not that simple. In many ways, I only do things that are apparently right. In action is perhaps yes, but not so much in thoughts. I have wild thoughts and imaginations. In fact, leaving it  on my own, I may be classified as psycho. I am not joking. I can think the the most unthinkable things in life. I am afraid of myself sometimes.

Yesterday, I decided to finalise my decision. I do not know whether I am right or wrong. One thing I know, I just have to start, however small the step is. I met manager in the afternoon. Well, he is sharp. He has been asking me 3 times before whether or not I am gay. I was surprised why he thinks that way. Today, I looked for him asking for advice. I have no intention to share that much. I just want to know what is the most pratical thing that I can do before I jeopardise my own works. Anyway, he gave a very simple answer. He told me not to stand in between. Being indecisive is the worse. He is right! He just told me to choose one and bear the consequences. Everything has its price.

Well, I know that I had to make a decision. I did. I decided to be myself. I am gay and I know self-acceptance is the first step.

good news

Do you know what does good news really mean?

Sigh, I don’t know. I love to hear good news and as usual I always hear good news from my hometown. Oh, my sister is pregnant with a second child and just now my mom called, telling me that my sister in law is also pregnant with a second child. I believe that my siblings are fighting to have babies to please my parents and get their favour. So, it seems. =P Fighting to accumulate wealth and having the most number of children.

Oh c’mon. Let’s not talk about them. Why don’t we just talk about me. This is my blog anyway. I am just being jealous, for sure. Sigh… I do not know how long I have to go through this wilderness. Everything is not settled. Expectant parents. I really do not know how to make up for my life. I am pretty upset that I am at the back of the pack. Well, many people may not think so. But in front of my parents, I am. -_-”

have I done anything wrong in my life? have i chosen a wrong path in my past? should I have got married earlier? Should I have done this  and should I have done that?

I DON’T KNOW.

I have been overly dramatic. YES, I AM.

If ever I made mistakes in the past, these are the possible problems:

- have i been too kind?

- have i been too generous?

- have i been too helpful?

- have i been too righteous?

- have i been too thoughtful?

- have i been too faithful?

are these mistakes?

or rather, is this what actually happening?

- was i being too naive?

- was i being too self-righteous?

- was i being too ignorant?

- was i being religous?

have i been mistakingly understand what good works and righteousness mean? I don’t know

18 January 2010

Well, 18 days has passed and it is fleeting. I don’t remember achieving anything great this year as yet. I have not even finalised my new year resolution, luckily we still have another new year, what else? CNY!

What has been happening for the passed 18 days? Hmm before I shared, perhaps I need to peep through 2009 and try to retrieve what the year has been. It was  a great year indeed. I have taken a step that I have never believed I will ever take it. The reason I took it is purely on ignorance =) which in the end is a good thing. But well, it is also my trend to venture into things I have never known before. In fact 15 years ago, I decided to go to singapore despite the fact that I have never been to this country. I went by faith knowing that everything will turn out well. oh, what a courage.

I repeated the same thing again when I decided to take master in IC design (2005) course in the univ despite the fact I know nil about electronic. I even barely passed the electronic modules during my undergrad. The reason I succeded was my confidence. Somehow I know that I can understand it and pulled through. Initially, my supervisor was kinda against it. The course was not easy and what on earth someone with no background wanted to take the challenge. Yup, yup. I was determined back then. I did that because I wanted to clear my undergrad courses. I could have done much better for my undergrad, but I did not because I have never wanted to do engineering. It took me so many years just to reconcile myself. I questioned myself what I am doing here and what i really want to do. yeah, it was gruelsome years of being loss. Upon graduation in 2003, I was clueless. Now what?? What am I supposed to do? Oh, I gotta write a resume and bla bla. Yeah, taking the master degree was basically to close the loop of my engineering and ending the course with good grades that I am satisfied with.

I repeated the same steps in 2007 by going to Japan, again, another country that I have never gone before. I came there by faith and of course some planning. It was a pleasant journey and perhaps one of the best thing that happened to me.

So, after I came back to Singapore, I decided to change my life again and take the challenge to be a financial services consultant. Well, to be honest, I came without background knowledge of the industry, the nature of the business and the challenge. Gosh, it was a shocked! =)

Anyway, this is also one of the best things that happened to me. I really met some good friends and I learn about human beings. I learn to feel and understand people. The journey is still far and it is a marathon. It is not about how fast one runs in the beginning and not about hit and run business. Perhaps I will just share how the journey has been and what challenges I have overcome.

1. Emotional management

Until now, emotion is something I am struggling to control. I am a very emotional person. Nobody really knows it because I never express it. Yup. I was so sensitive that I have hidden my emotions  totally. In the beginning or the first six months, I was struggling with my emotions. Every day I was down and I looked at things pretty negative with so much limited outlook. I did not know why I behaved that way. I guess it got to do with my past. I have inculcated the habit of pessimism so I do not get disappointed when things do not turn out well. Well, the ‘down’ period was so bad that my manager had to encourage me everyday and did not know how to help me. he did his best. I really thanked him and I owed him this favour. I really do.

I struggled with my ‘down.’ I wanted to change but I do not know how. Thank God, someone lent me a book. ‘It can only get better’ by Tony Gordon. It is an insurance book. It was one of the turning point in my career and a small victory over myself. I started to get motivated and I started to read more books, mostly on self-development.

It works!

The books I read keeps me going till today. I learn to control my feeling and emotions. My down period is minimal now and I overcome it the moment it has not even started. =)

To be honest, I feel happier and satisfied. I look at things positively and I see people the way they are. I love them and I realise that all of us needs care and attention which we have so poorly and let alone share it.

2. Discipline

I control my time. Unlike some people think, this business requires hard-work and discipline. The journey is uphill and many have given up half-way. I have been up and down many many times and if not because of the many supports, love and care that people gave me, I would not know where I am now. For newbie, the road is barely lit and it was like in a dark tunnel, barely a candle with an uphill slope. What I did was just following what my predecessors have told me and what the books I read mentioned. Just work.

I control my activities and I did prospecting most of the time. Well, the market barrier is high and a lot of work that has yet to be done.

3. Positve

This is one of the most important attitude that we must have. It is really surprising that I am today is different from last year. Now I see possibilities in my self and others. I see everything beautiful and everything can be done.

Just a couple of days ago, i went out with my guy friend. He is a teacher and he was telling me about his student who are in the normal class. When I heard him, I know that he has put limit on this kids and unconsciously believing they would not make it in the future. Then I told him to change his mindset. If you think they would not make it, they would not. I did tell him that they need another channel for their career. If they follow the system, they will be at the bottom. oh c’mon, how to beat the scholars if you compete in government and corporation? If we know that we can’t compete, we better find other means. Don’t follow the system! It is designed to make sure the rich remains rich.

4. Pray

It is important to pray and seek God. if you are to ask me, I pray but not enough. I have neglected many things when it comes to my quiet time with God, which I regret. I did not finish bible in one year and not praying enough for people around me.

5. Do the right things

I always believe in doing the right things because it goes long in life. We do not live for today but for the future. by committing ourselves to the right conducts and lifestyle, we will have less problem in the future. Of course it will need more hard-work in the beginning, but it pays.

6. Be helpful and friendly

This is one aspects that I am struggling. =P At times I forget to help people. Not because I do not want to, I just don’t realise it. -_-”

Hmm I think that’s all for now.

working and praying

Just as we pray for the spiritual sustenance, we work for the blessing of physical sustenance ~A. Lurie

How true is the quote above. As we enter the new year 2010, may we reflect and ponder the year that has passed. How has my spiritual life been and how is my work? Does my conduct honor God and my work reflect the glory of God. To be honest the year that has passed has passed way too quickly for me to reminisce its significance and achievement. I have to say that last year my spiritual life was not anything near satisfactory, neither any achievement that I can really boast about.

2009, however, is a year to thank God for. Basically for providence and guidance. If anyone were to ask me, 2009 was by far the most challenging year of my life and at the same time the discovery of all time.  It was the year where I analysed myself and searching what it is that I really want. In life, most of us we do anything of the path of the least resistance. We may not be aware of it, because we are so used in doing it, including myself. It is a year that I learnt what persistence and perserverance really mean. There were many setbacks and tears that taught me to depend soldely on God’s providence. It was the year when I really felt people who truly love me and care about me.

This year has taught me countless and lessons and left so much memory to remember. What are they?

1. Everything is possible. This refers to human capacity. I have never known that we can change if we really want to. What do I mean by that? I learnt that everything is simply controlled by our mind. Wether we think we can or can’t, we are right! This is true. I have applied it myself in countless events. For example, I am a moody person and when I first joined the industry, I have ups and downs everyday and very often I am downs. In the beginning it was so much downs that my boss had to encourage me everyday. It lasted for many months. However, knowing that this industry does not allow someone with pessimism, I decided to change. It changed slowly. My down period is slowly reducing that the amplitude is smaller. I continue to change my mindset and always look at the bright side. It works! Do you know the secret? Well, I have read many books last year, they help! One of them is the Bible.

⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phillipians 4

2. Change is survival.  We all love status quo. Don’t blame it on us. Somehow we are just wired that way. Change always involves moving away from the comfort zone and it can be painful in the beginning. Worse, there is no guarantee the change would be a better deal. That is why I admire ‘Abraham- the father of faith.’ Abraham decided to go out from his home country to land of promise and he never received the promised when he went home. He did go, anyway. By faith alone. If we observed carefully why certain businesses failed be it the start-ups or the long-standing companies or even MNC, one of the crucial issue would be ‘change.’ Every day and every year is never the same. However, if we keep doing the same thing over and over again and perhaps it is the time we need to start reflecting where it is that we are really heading.

One striking example is how Jesus healed the sick when he was on earth. If we read carefully, there was no one way of doing it. It was done in various ways. Just to illustrate that there was no one-way method of doing things. =)

3. Spiritual life determines the physical. Many would not believe it and even myself do not exactly experience it all the time. However, there are certain things that I observed that made me realised the importance of keeping our life right before God. To be honest, I am a very sinful person. If not because I read the Bible everyday and pray like  crazy most of the time, I would not know what I would have become today. My lifestyle and attitude are shaped by what I am reading and thinking. The Bible helps me to see grace and goodness that I am able to apply in the real life. I do not intend to boast but apparently if I compare myself with people who do not spend time seeking God. I can confidently say that my life is much better, more peacefull and blessed in many ways.

I also learn that a servant is not greater that his master. I am a bible study teacher. I learnt that if my life is not right before God, the lives of my students are not right either. This has encouraged me tremendously to live right before God.

4. Planning and activities. Every success is never measured by one day or one year achievement. Life is a journey, it is a marathon. It is not about starting it fast and quick but to finish it well. I learnt the importance of planning, setting things in order and control our time. Do not let time pass us by. Make sure every second counts, change a life. =)

Well, there are yet so many things to say and describe. If there is one thing that I regret last year was not able to blog enough daily. If I hvae done so, perhaps I would have learnt much more from those experiences that I have recorded.

17 december 2009

whatever does not kill you, make you stronger

I love this statement. Someone just said it this evening and it did strike me. =)

Last year exactly on the same date, I was extremely busy with packing and throwing everything that I don’t need away. We also had a farewell dinner among ourselves. It was nice. We were excited of coming back to singapore and ending our seemingly endless stay in Japan. We or rather I, was looking forward to the life in Singapore. I have learnt many things in Japan, especially my self-worth. Little that I know that my life is going to change the moment I came back to Singapore.  

Today, we had a christmas celebration in our office. well, it was turkey wine and beer. Errr =P. I dont recall that turkey is a must for christmas but this year, I have eaten turkey turkey and turkey. Where have I been all this 15 years?

I would like to summarise how this year has been, but perhaps on another post. =)

Just onething I know, I am moving forward.

 

A new chapter

Well, this is my 6th month in the industry. The blog has been pretty neglected. This post will signify a new beginning again. I will discipline myself to add new things in this blog and to share how the days have passed.

The new journey that I have taken is definitely beyond what I have thought before. One could not comprehend it until oneself immerse in it. The journey is long, but until today I owe my perseverance to countless people, be it my natural market, my warm and even strangers. The bottom line is, whatever will become of me, I will pass all the kindness I have received today to others. It is easy to say today but let time test it.

Don’t Quit Poem

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest! if you must; but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow;
You might succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup.
And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit;
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

by anonymous